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Are You Too Involved With Your Church?

Rev. Barb Schmitz

Number 49

 Checklist for Self-Differentiation

q

1. I plan at least one 24 hour period per week for myself when I do not answer the phone, pager, etc. or do any church-related work.

q

2. I have at least one very close friend outside the parish, one close friend who is not a Christian, and one group outside the parish that I meet with once a month for friendship, hobby, whatever.

q

3. I take all my vacation time and enjoy it; I wish I had even more.

q

4. I have at least one lifetime interest outside the church (stock market, singing, sailing, golf, woodworking, baseball card collecting, etc.) that I enjoy at least once a week.

q

5. My spouse and children have my complete attention when I am with them.

q

6. I take a day off every week, and I don’t think about church at all.

q

7. I have a prayer group or Bible study group (outside the parish) that I meet with at least once a month.

q

8. I am currently involved in learning (reading, attending a class, researching, etc.) about something that has nothing to do with church.

q

9. I let the answering machine pick up messages during mealtimes, meditation times, and family times.

q

10. I am not working more hours per week that I agreed to work in my letter of call.

 

Scoring

# "Yes"

Comment/Rating

8-10

Very good preventive maintenance on boundaries

6-7

Boundaries somewhat weak; work at getting a life

4-5

Boundaries too porous; personal or church trauma could put you over the edge; act quickly to avert impending coping mechanism failure

1-3

Serious boundary difficulties; get professional help.

Italicized portions added by Ministry Health Editor

Source: Rev. Barb Schmitz, ed. Conflict Communique,
July/August, 1996, Vol. 3, No. 5, pp. 3-4.
Copyright 1996 by Rev. Barb Schmitz.
All Rights Reserved.

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