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Searching In Sorrow:
Pastoral Reflections on God's Leading

Thomas F. Fischer, M.Div., M.S.A.

Number 58

"Three times I prayed...but God said,
'My grace is sufficient for you...My strength is
made perfect in your weakness."

St. Paul in II Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)

 

Searching in sorrow

In my weakness I found

The path I had taken

Was not at all sound.

 

The road to success

The way to great gain

Left something inside me

That gave me great pain.

 

I'd had thrills and then vict’ries…

Success with great grace

But deep in my heart

I was drowned in disgrace.

 

A voice from within me

From deep down inside,

Cried in my deep sorrow

In my anxious-pained tide.

 

Seems all I had done

Was soon to be gone

The honor, the glory,

Would all be undone.

 

"I've got nothing," I thought,

"I got nothing at all.

Unless I have something

That remains when I fall."

 

"What have I done…

Was it really so good?

Gave all of that effort...

But empty I stood."

 

"What was the purpose?"

Was all I could say

When all of my victories

Had been taken away.

 

My heart and life broken

I called to my Lord,

Deep in that darkness,

There were only His words,

 

"What have you done, child?"

He asked me point-blank.

I, stared…and then stuttered

And how my heart sank!

 

Again He addressed me

E’en there as I cried,

"I’ve called you and loved you

It was for you that I died."

 

He picked up my head,

And I raised up my eyes,

And there in my weakness,

I gave my reply,

 

"My strength was my weakness,

But the worst thing of all

Was that it was my strength

That caused my great fall."

 

"Forgive what I’ve done, Lord

And how I’ve decried

The reason You called me

Which I so long had denied."

 

He showed me His cross,

His wounds and His side,

He said it again…

"It was for you that I died."

 

The love that I’d sought for

The feeling inside,

Somehow--strangely grew warmer,

As a part of me died.

 

A New Man within me,

Renewed from the pain

Now looked up to Jesus

His strength to obtain.

 

"I’ll do what you want, Lord,

It’s all that I have!

My wants, my desires,

All those I will leave."

 

"Show me Your way, Lord,

Show me Your call,

That for which I was chosen

Before the beginning of all."

 

"Go--now--in your weakness,

Don’t trust in your strength,

Though weak, tired and weary

I’ll hold you the length."

 

I rose and then followed

To where…I don’t know.

But trusting and waiting,

In time He will show

 

What things really matter,

What things to forsake,

And why He has called me

How He gave me His grace.

 

I’m clay… but He’ll shape me

He’ll be by my side.

My Friend, Lord and Shepherd,

In whom I’ll confide.

 

I praise Him! He changed me!

My weakness He raised

To strength so unequalled--

He’ll ever be praised!

 

My searching’s now over

And now that I’ve been

Called His--and forgiven--

No more need I gain.

Thomas F. Fischer

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