072 Real Self vs. False Self

MinistryHealth
Support and Resources For Pastors and
Christian Ministry Professionals
Thomas F. Fischer, M.Div., M.S.A., Editor

Adult Children of dysfunctional families often have difficulty letting their "real self" show. Instead, they mask their dysfunctionality and anxiety behind the facade of a "false self." The chart below, based on Charles Whitfield's, Healing The Child Within (Health Communications, 1987), contrast the two selves.

Real Self	False Self
Authentic	Masked
Genuine	Ingenuine facade
Spontaneous	Plans according to rigid schedules
Expansive, loving	Contracting, fearful
Giving,	Withholding
Communicative	Withdraws From Communication
Accepting and encouraging of self and others	Envious, critical, judgmental, self-righteous
Assertive	Rigidly assertive and/or extremely passive
Ability to be a child	Always a responsible parent
Needs play and humor	Runs life from "Adult" scripts
Vulnerable	Pretense of Invulnerability
Trusting	Overly Trusting and/or Distrusting
Enjoys giving and receiving nurture	Avoids nurture
Accepting of people at "face" value	Suspicious "What do they want from me?"
Open to the unconscious	Denial of unconscious material
Desires freedom and growth	Desires isolation and shelter
Can learn, adapt and change	Repeats toxic, painful patterns