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An Antagonist's Dictionary:
What Their Words Really Mean!

Thomas F. Fischer, M.Div., M.S.A.

Number 173

Accountable: The justification to investigate every iota of minutiae of church operation.

Accountability: What others, especially pastors, need.

Agenda: What pastors always have against them.

Authority: Something to distrust.

Auxiliaries: Easy forums which may serve as a base of operation and control.

Care: See "Listen"

Charter Membership: the obvious basis of certain inalienable rights.

Church: A place to control without having to be accountable.

Churches, Every Other: Places which are doing it better than we can do it here.

Communication: A very sensitive interaction which the antagonist must always control.

Communication (2): What they demand most and give least.

Compromise: Synonym for "my way."

Conflict: To be avoided at all costs...except when right.

Control: Something they want to be in and the pastor to be out of; also a way to ease fear;

Cronies: Pastor's supporters.

Dedication: The primary thing that everybody needs to see they have.

Denial: A convenient way to avoid guilt and admission of wrong doing.

Denominational Officials: That uncaring agency that got us into the mess we got now.

Escape: The best way to avoid punishment, ridicule and humiliation.

Everything: That one and only little thing that pastor always does wrong.

Exceptions: Something that only applies to them.

Fair: What life, the church, the pastor, and anyone who supports the pastor is not.

Family: An alienated, non-intimate gathering of genetically and/or legally bound individuals who live in the same building as the antagonist. Usually appears perfect.

Fear: What they fear most. It's the basic reason antagonists do what they do. They will do anything to avert it.

Feel: Something their overwhelming fear does not let them do.

Feelings: What their opposition doesn't have.

Financial And Property Offices: Outstanding seats of power. Other offices, of course, can also be used for the same purposes. Once having served and gained prominence, official office is no longer needed to exert power.

Forgiveness: Doesn't exist.

Friends: People who submit to their control and don't threaten them.

God: The one always on their side who gives them amazing insights about church business on a regular basis.

Gossip: Something worth talking about in any setting possible. See "Rumor."

Highway: What the pastor and his supporters ought to be on.

Hope: Something the church has none of unless they heed the antagonist's ominous warnings.

Important: What they and their contributions are.

Insignificant: What other's involvement, leadership and contributions are.

Jesus: The one who has singled them out for His love..

Laws: Procedures which must be interpreted in a way to suit one's immediate preference.

Letters: Something used to document all the pastor's faults. The best ones are unsigned (see "Wastebasket"). All must be publicly read, specifically because of slander and maliciousness which the letters describe..

Listen: What no one, except the antagonist, can do.

Listening: What others must do when the antagonist talks.

Love: Doesn't exist. People only do what they do for what's in it for them. See "Motivation"

Manipulation: Anything that coerces conformity to scriptural standards, laws and policies.

Mediation: See "Compromise."

Meetings: The best place to unload and repeatedly bring up the same issues.

Motivation: That suspicious reason anyone does anything, e.g. "I wonder what they want?"

No: Meaningless except when used by the antagonist.

Nothing: What the antagonist has done wrong.

Offerings: A tool to use to wield power and influence.

Option: "All" or "nothing."

Parking Lot: An excellent place for directing church business.

Pastor: One who ought not stay in the church for more than 3-5 years.

Phone: Something that's always busy. After all there's always something to talk about.

"Poor Me": An extremely effective victimization strategy.

Power: A mean, dirty, and unchristian thing to give anyone else but themselves.

Prayer: What the church doesn't have if they aren't in control.

Procedure: A way for them to wrest control to slow down, stop, or divert a constructive ministry goal.

Recognition: Something they can never get enough of. A major cause of jealousy.

Reconciliation: Something done only over "my dead body."

Resignation: A very, very public humiliating spectacle by which one terminates their position because of some supra-cosmic issue.

Rights: A justification to do anything they very well please.

Rules: Used only when to one's own advantage.

Rumors: What other's accusations of their actions are. Also a useful tool with gossip.

Satan: Any one who opposes them.

Scapegoat: See "Pastor."

Sermon: Something that's always too long, too short, too abstract, too whatever; something that every other pastor can do better than their pastor.

Stress Shift: Something which happens to the antagonist without a moment's warning and for no apparent cause.

Teamwork: Do it my way or no way.

Transfer: Something they refuse to do since it is tantamount to admission of wrong. Besides, they need to "save face."

Trophy: The pastor's resignation.

Trust: A yielding of control. Not allowable for antagonists.

Trust (2): What they can't give to anyone else. After all, it's hard enough to do for themselves.

Truth: Subjectively determined and defined so as to cause themselves the least fear possible.

Victim: One who can't get their own way on demand, even though it violates major principles of operation and scripture.

Victimization: The process of effectively making oneself the victim. A most effective control technique.

Visitation: Something pastor never does enough of. Even if the pastor does visit, it's to the wrong people, not enough, or the visits are too long or too short or not spiritual enough, etc.

Voice: What they have a right to which they claim no one gives them.

Wastebasket: Best place for unsigned letters.

Withholding: A way to show others how valuable they are and how much they will be missed.

Thomas F. Fischer

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